Distance makes the heart fonder, wearier or heavier?

If I’ve learned one thing in this deployment, it is that everything is magnified ten times worse than normal.

It was suggested that we do a marriage retreat thing before he got deployed. Strongly suggested… and it’s not advisable to ignore strong suggestions; if you get my meaning.  ;)

It was a good thing though… I wrote about it a few months ago. One of the things that the chaplain started off our sessions with was the information that all the law offices in and around the installation beef up their staff complements just before a deployment is over. Deployments are so hard on marriages that more than half of them end in divorce within the period immediately following a home-coming.

So far, it ain’t untrue – this shit is hard!

I understand now why new marriages can’t withstand this. Hell, I understand why any marriage is strained.

Arguments spiral out of control VERY easily. Stupid shit can turn into a major brouhaha at the drop of a hat. And major brouhahas, are very easily those little mildew spots that sit under the moulding in your bathtub and rot the hell out of your bathtub.

Chaplain Adams stressed over and over again that it’s especially important to maintain clear communication during throughout the deployment. It’s very easy to misunderstand and miscommunicate when you’re separated by thousands of miles and a war zone.

It’s also really easy for hot heads to help a spat spiral out of control. I myself have felt like being a bitch and prolonging arguments just because I felt wronged. Oh so easy to play the wounded party and keep the fight going so that he feels bad, then worse, then just beyond that … well, make him grovel. Oh yes – VERY easy.

However, completely unproductive; it gets neither of us anywhere. All that happens is that a ever-widening wedge appears and with every successive spat or argument (or even fight by the time the end of this story plays out), prys us farther and farther apart …

No! It’s far more important to realize how easily things can get out of control and, instead, swallow the hurt, say you’re sorry and sort it out rationally and calmly. Even if it means you have to put off the sorting out for a time when everybody feels calmer.

These last few months since R&R have been hell on earth frozen over. Stupid shit keeps coming up between us… and I know the majority of it is explained by the strain the separation causes. Most of it is really stupid shit. We sort it out, but it’s tiring. Tiring… but it has given me the opportunity to understand fully what kind of pressures a relationship has to bear in a deployment and why some break their backs on it.

I’ve learned this year, that it is priority one to ensure that he knows how I feel and that I feel it deeply. It’s important to stay connected to him. It’s important he know I am still his other half and that I am waiting for him to come home.

I am hatching a reconnection plan for when he gets back. :D I think it’ll be good fun to just go somewhere off the grid and just chill together. A way to remind us of what kept us together and strong throughout this year.

The ’101 things’ page

I added 6 more items to the 101 things page.

Things that might surprise you all. :)

Check it out.

I’d forgotten most of those facts about me. It’s in talking to a friend tonight about religion and faith that I hit a chain remembrances – starting with playing the piano for church all the way to being a brownie and girl guide.  Don’t ask how those are linked, they just are. :P

I’ve forgotten more than what most people know nowadays. That sounds arrogant, but I look back at all the things my parents made me learn and do and participate in and I realize that it’s a heck of a lot for one introverted girl. I always preferred to read a book than anything else. Odd how things turned out, eh? ;)

Geek humour from my friends. :D

This is classic! Just classic!!!

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Roses are #FF0000
violets are #0000FF
chown -R you ~/base
#geekhumour #unixhumour
/via @traceyctt cc @fyrfliless than a minute ago via Echofon

Kitty cats and strange noises

So funny story:

Our water is off today to  allow for the installation of new fire hydrants in our little neighbourhood.

True to my Jamaican upbringing, I gathered together what I could and caught some water for myself to use. You never know when you may need to make a small cleanup or wash your hands thoroughly for some reason … or have to make an emergency flush on the toilet. ;)

At about 10:30, I started to hear some gurgling noises. I couldn’t quite pinpoint the direction, but soon the kitties did it for me. The toilet intake was coughing because the water was turned back on (only briefly, mark you) and the pressure was pushing air out through the pipes and into the tank. So of course, knowing how that can blow a pipe’s workings easily, I turned the toilet intake off and turned on the bathroom tub faucet to allow the air to pass harmlessly out.

The cats were both scared and curious. This really is no good without a photograph and maybe I’ll be here when it comes on again to get another photo of them having at it. (I’ll attach it if and when I do.)

The funny part is watching them sitting at the doorway to the bathroom, their heads twisting first one way and then another… Nala clearly decided the door stopper was the culprit and proceeded to bat at it with her foot (stop … the … noise … you … stupid … thing…), Binky decided he was more scared than curious (rare indeed) and jumped onto the desk in the room across the hall to watch from afar.  Nala actually got halfway through the doorway and peered around the door … but silly me wanting to see more moved closer and startled her.

Hilarious! My kitties are the best – they keep me sane. :)

Bad fairy tale piece

Here’s some REALLY bad fairy-tale writing for you all today. Sitting on hold, being hungry, worrying about hubby, feeling tired and icky – all equal completely useless writings:

Once upon a time
In a land far, far away
There lived a princess
Whose prince was in a land
Many leagues hence
She would get word
From him daily
On how he was doing and
What was happening.
And then suddenly there was nothing
And she was sad.

There is a Jamaican quote, I am sure, regarding getting used to something only to have it taken away suddenly … now if I could only remember it.

I know, I know – some people don’t have the everyday communications that I have gotten used to, but it’s still a little disconcerting to lose it without warning after you’ve gotten used to it. And whether or not you know to NOT get used to it or not, is completely separate from what your brain actually ends up doing.