True love, Valentine’s Day and a revelation

On Friday of last week, I stumbled on this post linked on twitter. (Incidentally, because I re-tweeted it, the blogger subsequently followed me … ha!). I shared it with a friend who then thanked me profusely for it because it gave them insight into love as it is for some in a way they had never before had the opportunity to see for themselves. Their parents were never married and so they never got to see this kind of thing first hand.

It made me stop and think because right there, it hit me … hard! I take SO much for granted. The post was a “mmhmm yup” kind of experience for me more than anything else because for me, that kind of love is what I grew up seeing and what I always thought it should be.

My parents aren’t what you call overly-affectionate. Certainly not demonstrative. Watching them from afar, you would never think anything more than “these two have been together for a long time”. Yet, there was never ANY doubt in my mind that they loved each other and were devoted to one another… that they would do just about anything for each other.

My Dad spent a great deal of my childhood (and early teen years) at work… many days I’d go to bed without seeing him at all that day simply because he was up and out before I was awake and never got home before it was time for bed. I don’t think it phased me one bit because when he WAS around, he was VERY around – if you get my meaning. He was present, in the moment for the time he was present.

I guess it helped that Mom never batted an eyelash either. Now that I am married (again) and spend gross amounts of time away from hubby because of his job, I understand that the feeling was never even near resentment at his having to work. It was a acceptance and a tolerance that only love and affection can give. Yes, it would be nice to have them home when everybody else is, but at the same time, bitching about it does nothing, especially since there is nothing to be done about it. Dad would make extra effort to spend time with us too – when he could take us with, he would. When he could take us away from it all, he would.

Their relationship carved my idea of what a marriage SHOULD be. For me, oohs and aahs of puppy love and fluttering heart beats along with pinks and reds and flowers and candy and candlelit dinners only transmitted a feeling of superficiality. My parents were almost the exact opposite – there were never any candlelit dinners, no flowers at Valentine’s Day, no chocolates, no stuffed toys … they were all about being together, being considerate of each other, talking with each other, taking care of each other. That to me represented TRUE love.

And it is the kind of relationship I have sought all my life – that comfortable, warm, loving, affectionate kind of love – the one that makes you smile and snuggle in and fall asleep, instead of the one that makes you giggle and want to jump around and yell “HE LOVES ME” and show off to everybody around you.

Romance novels held nothing for me, it was superficial crap that meant nothing. You can give flowers all day long and STILL not love someone. But it takes a whole lotta love (silent bow to Led Zeppelin for that phrase) to make tea for them so they get a steaming cup as they walk through the door, care for them when they are sick, investigate when things go bump in the night, protect them with your life (yes, Dad had to do this once for Mom, but that’s a story for another day), know they could do with a snack and a drink and bring it for them at just the right minute (so many times, both of them have said “You read my mind – I was just getting up to get some of that”)… well, you get my drift.

Which is why, I guess, I am so atypical when it comes to being female. Hubby never bought me an engagement ring – I told him I didn’t want one (I lose stones too easily, hurt myself with things that stick out and away from my body, waste of money for something that holds little TRUE value, I hate drawing attention to myself, you know me… ;) ).

He doesn’t buy me flowers on Valentine’s Day – we both believe that the exorbitant prices for flowers (something so transient) is ridiculous – especially inflated as it is because of the commercial aspect of the day. Showing love is a 24x7x265 deal … not a once-a-year-on-a-day deal. I’d frankly rather spend the moeny, the time and effort on my own rose garden.

It’s not about the chocolates, or the jewelry … it’s about the time spent together talking, sharing, learning about one another. It’s the little gestures – me making him his favourite cookies to take the field this week or him bringing home 6 packs (!) of Cheetos because I was craving them loudly when I got out of the hospital 2 weeks ago.

THAT’s what makes it the best thing that has every happened to me. And that’s what *I* always dreamed my true love would be – comfortable, not showy.

I guess I got extremely lucky.

Pledging allegiance to Mail.app prematurely

I sent yolospat an email just today with a link to a website (and a set of tools) that I had discovered while searching for a way to delay send from Mail.app. I told her that I had settled on Mail.app because (a) my new boss preferred me to use the work email address over GMail and (b) Thunderbird had issues that I couldn’t bother to handle and (c) Postbox had started giving me issues that I couldn’t handle.

I have to admit that I didn’t really recall the issues that I had encountered with Postbox and it was after I had sent the mail and sat around resting that I realized this. I dismissed it without giving it the customary second try that I normally do before completely dismissing something.

So I went and found Postbox on the Macbook – already installed, I might add – and fired it up. I have to say that there are already things about that I prefer to Mail.app, not the least of which is how it handles message templates. I am thinking that another test run is in order on the iMac.

Of course, I am wracked out in the recliner wanting to go get on the iMac and set it up but the pain (and the lesson of over-doing it yesterday) keeps me from getting up. I soothed my geek-go with blogging instead.

And as I type that, I feel shame. When did blogging for me become second-choice in activities? Not a few weeks ago, I was blogging up a storm on a daily basis … even days in advance, I would have blog posts lined up ready to go. Now, it’s fallen so far back in my To Do list, that I often don’t get that far in a day. Sad.

In other news, a twitter @ reply alerted me to the fact that Chrome’s extensions were more stable now. I fired up Chrome and found that there are indeed a couple of extensions available for Mac … or so they say. If you attempt to install one, you of course get the error “Extensions not available”. Then, while I am crying over spilt milk, I noticed that the Bookmark Manager is actually an option on the menu now, just greyed out. So I downed the dev channel version yet again and found that not only is the Bookmark Manager active in the dev channel, but so is the bookmark sync! The last obstacle to my using Chrome as my main browser was the tendency for XMarks to hang the browser completely. Wewt! If the built-in sync now works, I am all set. Lastpass works, bookmark sync works … “Set Google Chrome as your default browser” button .. here I come!

And while I am messing around with that stuff, I see that Google Buzz arrived in my Inbox finally – a whole 24+ hours later. I guess I should be happy – lots of people haven’t seen hide nor hair of it yet. And as predicted, I was just as unimpressed as I was with FriendFeed. Too noisy. I’ll hang onto it until a few more of my friends actually get on and use it once or twice, but I suspect I shall be muting most of the activity and possibly just opting-out altogether. The only problem with opting-out is if Google improve the product, I don’t get to sample it. Oh well. Still trying to figure out what they were thinking about anyway – Buzz is nothing new.

silence is not golden… not all the time

Sometimes, silence is indeed golden.  When it comes to the fyr and this blog, golden is not even remotely apt. In this case, the fyr being silent is a very bad thing.

Or so some of you may think.

The fact is, the fyr has been silent for a number of different reasons. The main one being her new job that she landed that keeps her surfing the web all day long, being paid for much of the surfing that she does.  I have been busy. The job brings many new horizons closer for me, yet introduces a curve to my routine that I am still trying to work out. It’s interfered with my yoga classes, my home routines, my food and cooking routines … it’s put a spoke in everything simple because I haven’t yet found the best groove in which to slide it in and have it work in concert with everything else.

Throw into the loop the fact of my very minor surgery last Thursday and I have a mess of tasks that just don’t have their place in my daily routine. A literal mess. I need a way to organize, focus and channel.

What’s that? What minor surgery? Not to worry, I am fine. I was in and out before you might have noticed (had I been blogging regularly, of course) and I am recovering nicely – albeit slower than I had expected. There is much pain and a lot of the tasks I took for granted before are next to impossible – things such as bending, sitting for long periods of time, standing for long periods of time – and by a long period of time I mean in excess of a few minutes.

The surgery itself was supposed to be exploratory with the option to correct – and they did indeed have to correct. It is surgery some of you who have been reading about my perils and travels for years might remember from 4 years ago. Although I can find no posts that explicitly mention the procedure, I did find the one that lamented the loss of my new navel piercing. The difference between that one and this one is that back then all they did was go in an look around – this time, the actually did some work in there – so I guess that I am taking more time to recuperate is not unusual. It’s just difficult for me to be this …. helpless.

I’ve had multiple offers for “help” while I recuperate and each time I’ve said ”I’m ok” because … really, how helpless can I possibly be after out-patient surgery – right? Well … apparently, it’s a great deal. I have to plan each and every foray from the bed, or recliner that I take. Because multiple forays from said spots become increasingly difficult and painful.

If there was doubt about how poorly I felt, you would be able to determine once and for all when you hear that I haven’t even been able to play WoW for longer than an hour or 2 at a time – and for the most part, I spend all day not playing just so I can play at raid time for an hour or 2 at night. Ya. That poorly.

In other news, it’s tax time again. And now that all the relevant paperwork is now available, I now have to get cracking on filing tax returns. The Kentucky return is going to be particularly annoying and I have to say that this is probably a good part of why a lot of army wives hesitate to find work after a PCS – it’s just too hard to deal with the tax return filings when multiple state returns are involved. I have to tell you this, though, I am eternally grateful for the training that JH afforded me last year in the preparation of tax returns. Without that, I think it would be panic time now while we figure out how to get it all sorted out.

With all that said, that’s pretty much what has been keeping me busy lately. I’m going to have to post about the new apps I’ve been playing with lately too – not the least of which is the app I use keep track of my time while I work and generate invoices based on those times. A really nice application that I know I wouldn’t be able to function efficiently without.  Ladies and Gentlemen, please .. say hello to Macfreelance.

And on that note, I make another planned foray from this recliner.

YUSH