It’s amazing how free I feel tonight. Today was my last day at work, and although leaving was bittersweet, I feel a sense of relief and freedom. Bittersweet because so many people stepped forward to tell me how much they would miss me and how they wished me well. It was stunning. I didn’t think there were many people who even liked me. But apparently, I was wrong. It seems I made SOME kind of impact.
Of course, the day (and week) wasn’t without the less tasteful aspects. There were some slightly disappointing moments when I had all my suspicions confirmed about the type of people with whom I have worked with for 3 years. Fortunately, the impact that this has had on me is to make me pity them. For the complete lack of compassion, professionalism and courtesy will only serve to make life hard for them in the long run.
All in all, I think I have managed to shed most of the ill feelings that have been simmering for months. Right now, I am left with regret for leaving in the manner I have – disappointment and a sense of having less of an impact on the work than I could have had; guilt for leaving a gaping hole; sadness for it having to have ended this way and sadness that people really have no clue how to deal with each other or think for themselves.
To sum all that up? NO negativity at all whatsoever. I thought I would feel a malicious glee … but that feeling passed quickly after having visited a couple of times this week.
What have I taken away from this experience? For this is of the utmost importance. One must always learn from one’s experiences. For me … I have learned that people don’t always say what they feel until the very last moment and that sometimes it’s good to say what you feel when you feel it. I have learned that working is not about paying the bills only, one must enjoy one’s work if even a tiny bit – because when the work becomes stressful or boring or overwhelming, one must have some motivation to keep on keeping on. And finally, I have learned that maybe I need to be a little more discerning about what kind of work I choose to do.
For sure there are other lessons that I have neglected to mention. These, however, sum up the most important ones.
It struck me today that in my 17 years of working, I have never once taken a real break. I have usually moved onto the next assignment within a month of leaving one. Most people don’t have the opportunity to take a break, but considering how stressful my jobs have been, especially in the last 10 years as well as how sensitive I am and couple that with taking on ill-fitting assignments … well, I need a break.
A break to sit back and think about where my career is going – if anywhere. What *I* want to do with my life and where to go next. I have been blessed with the opportunity to do this … and by all means I intend to make the most of it.
The best part of this all, is the support that my wonderful husband-to-be is showering me with. That has empowered and bolstered me and I think that I finally have the inner strength to actually make the necessary changes so that my own fulfillment is solid.
I have struck the jackpot. I don’t think any lottery winnings could make a girl feel happier than I do right now…. wait. Scratch that. Lottery winnings would be the icing on the cake. Which reminds me, I think I’ll buy some tickets this coming week. Ya never know – maybe my luck hasn’t run out yet.