It’s 2018. In fact, it’s so much 2018 that it’s almost February 2018. I’ve not blogged for a while now. Well … that’s not quite true. I have blogged. I just haven’t shared it. I find I am in a place where I don’t know anymore whether what I am about to write is offensive and whether it’ll cause me friends or … something else. And here’s the thing … it’s not so much that I am suddenly afraid of losing friends. I’ve never been the kind to hold onto a relationship if it’s obviously trying to dissipate. I mean … I try to hold onto it. I do what I think I can to mend the breach if there is a breach. But I don’t bend over backwards and I don’t prostitute myself. No … I think what’s happening is that I am so very very angry about the sudden predicament that I find myself in that all I can write is vitriol that most people would fine quite off-putting. Even my friends.
So … I keep silent. And I beat myself up daily because … there are other things to talk about, aren’t there? There are. Maybe it’s school (for those who may have forgotten or did not know, I am currently in a masters program at USC), maybe it’s the social isolation I am experiencing … maybe it’s the depression and anxiety … whatever it is, I just don’t feel the urge to write about stuff right now.
So while I study how to diagnoses the Schizotypical (Personality) Disorder and how to evaluate mental health research and see clients … I am quiet. I’ll likely be quiet for a few more months. But I have not been idle. As I said, I am in school, but I’ve also been playing around on the web host in the background quite a bit. You guys wouldn’t notice, but this website is actually now hosted on a completely different configuration than it was last week. I’ve been getting memory usage warnings from DigitalOcean for a few weeks. On investigation, it seemed the php processes were running away. Since I couldn’t pin down exactly what the problem was, and I had long wanted to do it anyway, I moved from Ubuntu to Debian. It’s a leaner install in so many ways. And far more enjoyable to work with.
So … until things change, enjoy what’s here. I know it’s not a lot and that all the historical posts are gone. Sorry about that. A few things necessitated this shift from Wordpress to a flat file blogging style. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to Wordpress. For the time being, I am happy with Hugo.
All that said … y’all have a wonderful year now, hear? Catch you laters!